Sunday, October 27, 2013

தனியாக பேசும் சந்தோஷம் தந்தாய் பெண்ணே!! --> உலகம் பைத்தியக்காரன் என்றது

நீண்ட நாட்களுக்கு பிறகு தமிழில் எழுதுகிறேன் .எப்படியும் ஒரு எட்டு வருடம் இருக்கும் என்று நினைக்கிறேன் .எதற்கு தமிழில் நான் எழுதுகிறேன் என்று நீங்கள் நீங்கள் என்னை கேட்கலாம் .அதற்கும் பதிலை சொல்கிறேன். என்னுடன் வேலை பார்க்கும் ஒரு நண்பன் கடந்த வாரம் தற்கொலை செய்து கொண்டான். :( ஏன் என்றால் அவன் காதலித்த பெண் அவனை விட்டு சென்று விட்டால் .அவன் இறுதி சடங்கிற்கு சென்று இருந்த பொழுது அவன் அம்மா என்னை பிடித்து கொண்டு அழுதது என் மனதை முழுமையாக மாற்றியது . நான் நேசித்த பெண் என்னை விட்டு சென்ற பிறகு நானும் இதே முடிவினை எடுத்தேன் அனால் அதிலும் எனக்கு தோல்வி தான் மிஞ்சியது .இறுதியில் ஒரு நல்ல வைதியரை பார்த்து treatment எடுத்து கொண்டு இருக்கிறேன் .விளைவுகள் முகமாற்றம்,முடி கொட்டுதல் பைத்தியம் பிடித்தல் போன்றவை.

இந்த உலகில் இருக்கும் தமிழ் படிக்க தெரிந்த பெண்களை கேட்டு கொளிறேன், ஒரு பையனை காதலித்து கல்யாணம் செய்யும் அளவுக்கு தைரியம் இருந்தால் மட்டும் காதலிக்கவும் இல்லையென்றால் காதல் வெளிபடுத்த வேண்டாம் என்று கேட்டு கொள்கிறேன். அவன் இறந்த பிறகு ஒரு மாலை குட வெக்க அவள் வரவில்லை .அவளுடைய போலியான காதலால் ஒரு உயிர் இந்த உலகை விட்டு பிரிந்தது .

Sunday, October 20, 2013

Finally slept Deeply after an year and a half.

Thanks to mommy for completely diverting my attention from her to something which i never thought to do. Yes we are planning to redesign our house and this time it is completely and this time it is completely my choice. House change means mind change and then happiness follows...
Searching net for designs and hope will start redesigning asap.

Appu....guess u were the one came in my dream:) Yup. A very good dream and we are driving to our training center in the car:) See u soon:P

Saturday, October 19, 2013

Saw Annabishegam @ Annamalaiyar Temple

Came home by 3.30 in the evening and was disussing with mom about my past and how i am suppose to reshape my future and she was telling me about all the family issues with me ,suddenly some spirits called me to temple and i went in...it was a very big line i waited in the line and saw annabishegam ,which i never expected to see in this lifetime..
Thank you lord for this darshan and for the first time after she left, i went into temple happily and did not ask god to give back her into my life,since she is not ready to accept me anymore into her life.

Nothing God has written cant be changed but efforts like meditation can be done to understand the things happened by merging our soul into the God.

- My Mommy's Santhosh.

A week that finally made me to think of my mom and not her

Oh My dear lord...Please give ur punishments and pain to me and i am ready to bear anything for the sin that i have comitted either knowingly or unknowingly. Please dont give the pain to my mom ,she already suffering a lot because of her son and now you let a dog to bite her(that dog's fate is over within hours :P ).
After hearing this and my mom's crying i dint get swapnam about the girl i loved so deeply and always thinking about my mom's wellness.Also i started praying to god about my mom's health not abt her for a week. hope it will change soon too.

This too, shall pass -> A sentence that keeps me alive till this day and finally nowhere i can see green colour, a colour that i never want to see(predominantly seen in psychiatric rehabilitation center)

God Please give me salvation and let everyone around me be happy :)

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Continuation of 14 Oct post

First let me tell you why I was crying on that day..
One of my friend introduced a writer called varalotti in Facebook and eventually I liked his posts too.
That morning I was reading a post named "curd rice and pickles", a really wonderful story that explains what life is and how life should be balanced between money and personal life.too much of money and less personal life or less money more personal life gives pain only .when you learn to balance the money and personal life then you can really enjoy the life. And I was not crying for this story what made me cry is the comment that I red. The writer replied back to her saying thanks but I was nt able to see her comment so I signed out and opened the page with no login and I was able to see her photo in bangle shop though I am nt able to open her page bcos she blocked me(though I gave her what she wants till this day and left my flying dreams in air just because only she doesn't like it). After that I discussed this with my mom and of course lots of crying too., she told me that god wants you to get a very good wife who suits your character and understand you very well, that's why she left you and don't be sad because she left you,it all happened for good sake only.so now I know that she is happy at least even though I visit psychiatric rehabilitation center (will write a post soon on how that rehabilitation center looks for those who never visited that place)often to control my madness that might lead to suicide. My parents are really worried that I am visiting that place and taking tablets to control my madness. Should stop all of these real soon and become a normal person and go back to the life which I was enjoying before she entered into my life.
P.s I woke at 3 in the morning because of the dreams involving her and typing it on my ipad. Guess need to visit the center today :p

Sunday, October 13, 2013

Once again a day with lots of crying

Oh my dear lord..finally you also not allowing me to come to your place...
Something is obstructing me from going to annamalaiyar temple and I don't know what is that!!!!
Came to home for vijayadhasami pooja and took off from office. I don't know why I feel so sad in thiruvannamalai nowadays compared to my work life I believe this place reminds me of old memories ...
Appu...I understood that what you said in early 2011 was absolutely right and I am repenting for that now.atleast you are married and living happily in Los Angeles. But one thing I dint like from you is that letter you wrote ..cha I dint even read that and dropped in her house believing your words...my mom told today also don't believe everything that is white as milk. My mom,dad cried bcos of me..first time in my entire life my dad cryd all bcos of me repenting for a girl I loved so sincerely and unable to forget her and taking treatment in psychiatric rehabilitation center now..come once and see me appu.
Missing u appu

Thanks,
Yoga.

Saturday, October 5, 2013

Am sorry, if this blogspot hurted Anyone knowingly or UnKnowingly.

Hi Friend,

Thanks for your mail and just now red it . Till this day i never said no to her request and i have cleared all the posts . Hope you are happy now...

Please dont advise me If you dont know how it would be to spend a year of your lifetime in psychiatric rehabilitation centre(mental hospital) just because you loved a person so deeply...Also in my family we never spoil anyone's life eventhough our lives got spoiled by some of our relations..

Once again my sincere condolences if i hurted anyone(i toooo already suffered a lot bcos of that), Please forgive me

I will clear this post toooooo after a month time or you can clear this too...ask ur friend for pwd(she knows it :P)

Thanks,
Yoga.